i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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