Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he was CRYING into my vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
