It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
