Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize