i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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