You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize