Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's rum buckets o'clock
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
