she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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