great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
