I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
