I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
