Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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