I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
