mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
