Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
