It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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