Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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