the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I said "one day" and that day is not today
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
