mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
