This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize