Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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