i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
