Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
