I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
