i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
