mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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