Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
50% drunk capacity currently
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
