Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
