I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize