The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
