I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
