And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The beer is more important than you right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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