I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
