If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
