you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize