Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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