Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
