I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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