so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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