Im at strip club and am horny
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
