Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
