Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
