My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize