The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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