Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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