I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
