I could have mohawked her pubes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
