I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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