he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize