They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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