Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
