Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
