waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
