we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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