So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
third nipple confirmed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
