Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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