he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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