Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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