If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
