So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
did i just pee glitter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize