if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
