turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
