i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
