I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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