i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
