I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
