she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
