There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
