Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think people are normalizing furries
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
