guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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