Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
