I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
