Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
