he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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