one two three fourrrrnication!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
