Ambien. No doubt about it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
