Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
