go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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