She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
