Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
