he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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