So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
