he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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