the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
