So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just invented taco cereal.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
