Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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