He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
