Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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