well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
