Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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