It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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