I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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