Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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