Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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