I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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