Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
