You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
