My first STD was from a foam party
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
