Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
