i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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