There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
