I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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