I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
