Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
