9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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